🏃 BREAKING SPORTS NEWS

Season 1 • Vol. 1 | ANIKOTO MULTIVERSE OLYMPICS
Different universes. Questionable athletes. No competent organizers.

RORONOA ZORO TAKES A WRONG TURN, AND ACCIDENTLY ENDS UP WINNING A INTERDIMENSIONAL TRIATHLON

Roronoa Zoro arrived at the wrong stadium, took part in the wrong race and somehow conquered three dimensions. Officials are calling it the greatest navigational disaster in the history of Olympic history.

The One Piece swordsman apparently lost his way while searching for the marathon's start line. He wandered through a dimensional gateway and somehow found himself taking part in a triathlon consisting of a 40 km cycle, a 10 km swim in an alien ocean, and a 20 km volcanic sprint.

Naturally, he wasn't aware of what was going on. Unfortunately for the competition, he still seemed in good form.

The final leg was absolute chaos. Killua Zoldyck had been saving stamina for the late rush while the Flash pulled ahead of the remaining competitors. Then Zoro appeared from the wrong tunnel, saw what he assumed to be an exit and rushed straight for the finish line.

He crossed it 0.8 seconds ahead of the Flash. The crowd jumped. The officials were worried and shocked and Zoro simply asked where the nearest port was.

🎙️ LIVE COMMENTARY

Commentator 1: "THE FLASH IS PULLING AWAY! THIS GOLD MEDAL IS BASICALLY- HOLD ON! WHO'S COMING OUT OF THE WRONG TUNNEL?!"

Commentator 2: "THAT'S RORONOA ZORO! HE WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS EVENT!"

Commentator 1: "HE'S OVERTAKEN THE FLASH! ZORO CROSSES THE LINE! WHAT A FINISH!"

Commentator 2: "SOMEONE TELL HIM HE'S WON!"

Zoro: "Won what? I'm trying to leave."

🏅 OFFICIAL RESULTS

🥇 Roronoa Zoro - Gold. Still has no idea where he is.

🥈 The Flash - Silver. Has demanded a review of the course layout.

🥉 Killua Zoldyck - Bronze. Claims he could've won if he had taken the race seriously.

Disqualified: Sonic the Hedgehog - attempted to bypass a checkpoint by running around the entire stadium.

Post-race interview

Reporter: "Zoro, how does it feel to win an interdimensional triathlon?"

Zoro: "A triathlon? I thought I was running a marathon."

Reporter: "You cycled 40 kilometres and swam through an alien ocean."

Zoro: "...I did what?"

The officials have since put up 47 additional signboards around the venue. Zoro has already managed to get lost on his way back to the podium.

⚔️ OTHER OLYMPIC DEVELOPMENTS

• Saitama won the heavyweight boxing final with a single punch. The referee was barely finished explaining the rules before declaring the match as over. Saitama's biggest concern afterwords was whether the victory came with prize money or a supermarket discount coupon.

• Light Yagami was disqualified from the chess tournament after repeatedly predicting his opponent's moves with highly suspicious accuracy. Investigators have found no evidence of cheating, though with L's presence at the judging panel, the investigation has become much more uncomfortable than it was supposed to.

• Anya Forger dominated the junior mind-reading exhibition by reading her opponent's thoughts. She then lost the final after hearing someone think about peanuts.

• Vegeta took silver in the high jump after Goku edged him out. Vegeta has accused the judges of favouritism, challenged Goku to a rematch and demanded that the next Olympics replace the high jump with a Saiyan-only competition.

• Mr. Satan held a press conference claiming that his training inspired Saitama's boxing victory. When asked to demonstrate his technique he suddenly remembered he had an urgent appointment elsewhere.

📋 THE BAGEL NOTICE BOARD

🎯 WANTED: Anyone capable of giving Zoro reliable directions. Reward: a lifetime supply of compasses. Applicants must accept that he'll probably ignore them.

🤝 CULT CORNER: The CCC has volunteered to take care of the Olympic statistics. Golden Dawn has requested an investigation into the dimensional gateways. Meanwhile Funky Town has announced a relay team, although no one can confirm whether it's members know the direction they're supposed to even run.

🧅 A WORD FROM THE BAGEL'S NEW MANAGEMENT 🥯

@ArloAtlas may tell everyone my alleged hijacking was just fanfiction, but that's exactly what someone defending their news empire would say.
I generously agreed to turn the operation into The Anikoto Daily Bagel, and now he's using that agreement as evidence against me. Incredible journalism, Arlo.

Call it fanfiction if you want. I'm calling it a new era of fictional sports, questionable refereeing and anime characters competing in events that nobody asked for.

The Bagel is here to stay. Deal with it.

📬 HELP SHAPE THE NEXT VOLUME!

Got a ridiculous sports scenario brewing in that head of yours? Send your headline ideas, matchups, sporting events, rivalries or completely unhinged anime Olympic concepts in the comments!

Want to see Guts enter a gymnastics competition? A cooking tournament featuring the most unexpected anime chefs? A football final where half the players are villains? Pitch it. The more ridiculous the idea, the better as long as the characters have a chance of making it entertaining.

You can also submit wanted posters, tournament promotions, faction propaganda and other material for the next Bagel Notice Board.

🥯 Your idea might become the next headline for the Bagel.

___

(P.S. Shoutout to @MadFury The Bday Boy for keeping the real anime news alive with real updates, and to @ArloAtlas for the endless stream of hilarious material. Also, what was supposed to be just a one-time hijack has officially become a real thing, all due to Arlo. Well, what can I say, he practically made this happen himself. Nothing personal, Arlo. Anyway, deal with it.)

THE ANIKOTO DAILY BAGEL

The medals are fictional. The rivalries are real. The athletes need supervision and there's still room for improvement.